I shred the news today, oh boy

[Pat]

A thread for poking fun at the news.
For the purpose of this thread, I ask that people find news articles that when coupled together just make things sound absurd. Rediculous headlines encourage.
Best done when using two current news stories, but it can also be funny to find an old story and a new story where a politician contradicts himself.

I'll start.

Obama economic adviser pitches job stimulus
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091213/ap_on_bi_ge/us_romer_economy;_ylt=AtzrzcoSoyviNvpWxFIK3D.yFz4D ;_ylu=X3oDMTJsa3Fsc21zBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMDkxMjEzL3Vz X3JvbWVyX2Vjb25vbXkEcG9zAzkEc2VjA3luX2FydGljbGVfc3 VtbWFyeV9saXN0BHNsawNvYmFtYWVjb25vbWk-

White House economists see jobs growth by spring
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091213/ts_nm/us_obama_economy_jobs;_ylt=AvXgciIGg0Hxi9NYY3nO8VO yFz4D;_ylu=X3oDMTJxcTgyZHEyBGFzc2V0A25tLzIwMDkxMjE zL3VzX29iYW1hX2Vjb25vbXlfam9icwRwb3MDOQRzZWMDeW5fY XJ0aWNsZV9zdW1tYXJ5X2xpc3QEc2xrA3doaXRlaG91c2VlYw--


Duhhh
If growth is already expected, what is the point for another stimulus?

[Pat]

Senate sends $1.1 trillion spending bill to Obama
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091213/ap_on_bi_ge/us_congress_spending;_ylt=Anlhz3orHQN7UhMh9q7C7Kqy Fz4D;_ylu=X3oDMTJsMXRkbzg4BGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMDkxMjEz L3VzX2NvbmdyZXNzX3NwZW5kaW5nBGNwb3MDMQRwb3MDMgRzZW MDeW5fdG9wX3N0b3J5BHNsawNzZW5hdGVzZW5kczE-

Pay Go
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mXC_5GRSxuc&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mXC_5GRSxuc&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Lets see what happens.