View Full Version : Lighten up and Laugh out loud!

LadyMod at scam.com
07-14-2007, 08:28 AM
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking a mid term. The last
question was, "Name seven advantages of Mothers Milk," worth 70 points or
none at all.

One student was hard put to think of seven advantages and struggled to think
of things but finally this is what he wrote:
1. It is perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always at the right temperature.
4. It is inexpensive.
5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6. It is always available as needed.

And then, the student was stuck.
Finally, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he

7. It comes in such cute containers.

He got an "A"


LadyMod at scam.com
07-14-2007, 08:29 AM
If you ever have to testify in court, you might wish you could have been as
sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony
trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility..

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"
A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the
description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"
A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called
offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"
A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then, officer. Do you have a
room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"
A: "Yes sir, we do."

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"
A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"
A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with
your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share
with these same officers?"
A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and
sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best
Comeback" line and I think he'll win.


LadyMod at scam.com
07-14-2007, 08:30 AM
Signs of our times

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

- English well talking.

- Here speeching American.


LadyMod at scam.com
07-14-2007, 08:32 AM
Isn't this the truth?

LadyMod at scam.com
07-14-2007, 08:36 AM
Mrs. Antonelli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner ~ who lives with a female roommate Maria.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, " Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure. "So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Momma,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Momma which read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Love, Momma

Lesson: Never lie to your Momma! :lmao2:

LadyMod at scam.com
07-14-2007, 08:38 AM
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house............. and left it there all night. ;)